Bao Jia Wei Guo, Jing Zhong Bao Guo

The blog's sidebar has an image of two Chinese phrases that I learned a long time ago when I was in Primary School - Bao Jia Wei Guo (to protect our homes and defend our country) and Jing Zhong Bao Guo (serve the country with utmost loyalty). These phrases were learned in my Chinese 'Hao Gong Ming' classes. The second phrase is probably the most famous tattoo in China if not the world - the phrase was tattooed on the back of the Chinese general Yue Fei.

I read about Yue Fei when I was young and my opinions about National Service in Singapore have been heavily influenced by the legend of this Chinese hero. To me, there was nothing shameful about desiring to serve the nation and even if we might disagree with the way we are called upon to serve it, we continue serving the way we have been called upon to do.

Yet, as I experienced full-time National Service and my subsequent reservist, I have learned that in Singapore, passion about service to the nation is often met with derision with phrases like 'spoil market' and 'siao on'.

To some, the concept of a nation is an anachronistic one that has no place in a globalized world. To others, anything like National Service which imposes a cost on the individual should be avoided and if avoidance is not possible, should be a period where the least is given. I disagree with both notions but the point of this post is not to discuss the merits of these notions and my opposing view but to share how such a disagreement led to this blog.

I finished my reservist about three month ago. During that time, there were individuals in my platoon who wanted to give their best for the trainings. But people in the military suffer from the crabs-in-a-bucket syndrome - when one crab tries to climb out, the others try to pull it down. Every time these ‘on’ individuals wanted to do something, there will be the others who will say ‘Reservist why so on?’. The thing is not about being on or not but about giving the best you can give in every situation. Now, if you clearly do not think reservist or National Service is something worth giving your best, it is your choice, but if you do believe it is worth giving your best, but you don’t do it for fear of ’spoiling the market’ then something seems to be very wrong.

Why is it that in National Service, the ones who ‘eat snake’ (a Singaporean phrase for slacking) seems to be the ones who strut around camp with the biggest balls but the ones who do their best are made to feel dirty by their peers? Why is it that generally people ‘admire’ those who can get away with stuff in National Service instead of aspiring to be like those ‘on’ guys? There must be something wrong with this situation.

More importantly, there must be something wrong when guys do not have the courage to live by the principles and ideals they profess to value.

I was faced with a dilemma when I started this blog because I wanted it to discuss what are the principles and ideals a man should live by. The thing is, every individual has a different set of values and the last thing I wanted to do was try to impose my own set. Yet, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that there is a certain set of core values that could be universally agreed upon as morally right values that a man should live by.

I started this blog because I feel that there is an erosion of these values, ideals and principles. It may be that things now are no better or worse than it was when my father was a young man, but in the course of my 26 years, I have seen things change around me, so to me the change is very much real. And to me, it just seems to get harder each day to live by this core set of values. Everyday, the danger of compromising is very much real.

I hope that people will share about their experiences and struggles where compromising on what they believe in was an option and possibly the easier thing to do.

Male By Birth, Man By Choice

The name of this blog comes from a longer phrase that I learned while I was serving my National Service - Male By Birth, Man By Choice. Until that time, I didn’t really make a distinction between being a male and a man but I have come to learn that being a male is an accidental matter of biology but being a man is a conscious choice to live life by certain principles.

As males, we are more than just what magazines like FHM, Maxim, GQ or Playboy would like us to believe - more than just the sum of our interests in women, nice threads, cars, games, sports and gadgets. We are more than sex-crazed animals interested in just getting more action which is what the magazines see us as when they publish those regular articles like ‘20 Steps To Land That Hot Babe’.There are many other things we are interested in and many more that we should be. We are not just males, but sons, husbands and fathers. We can do so much more when we move beyond the stereotypes culture has given us, move beyond the altars we have placed the idealized individualistic alpha male upon.

So, this blog was then started for me to talk about such stuff. But more than that, I hope for people to write in to share the stories about their life as a man with all the struggles, triumphs, joy, responsibilities and challenges it entails. It is my hope that through the sharing, we encourage each other, teach each other, are forced to reflect and learn more about ourselves.

Of course, to live life with what is probably an idealized core set of values isn’t easy. It isn’t always easy to accept and fulfill one’s responsibilities. That is why we aren’t just male, but we are man by choice. For if it was easy to be a man, what worth would it be?